Thursday, October 01, 2009

Buying Underpants

Somewhere along the arse has gone from size 7 underwear to whatever I buy....I stand there in the aisle, looking for a good pair that has no visible elastic on it. I am latex intolerant...I know for a fact that I used to buy size 7, Ok that was about 4 jean sizes ago, so that must mean that I wear size 12, there is no size 11??? This is my theory. Then there is the underwear that has no label on it, now which is it, Fruit of the Loom or Hanes????? So I know I am wearing them, I reach bag and give myself a wedgie trying to read the non label....seriously, I would have to pull my panties around to my hips and up to my boobs to be able to read that non-label...a woman walks by....she may be a tad sympathetic to my drama....Do I dare, in this society ask a complete stranger to read the label on my underpants, that by now or in my crack like floss and hanging above my waistband on my jeans like drapery???? She may call the store security of some woman pervert ...and what the hell is the deal with Thongs???? I should walk around like I was panties all puffed up around my waistband and name it thong drapery.....I may be on to something.....Thong drapery and we can sell it to young boys and girls, tight jeans and yards of panties hanging drapy like around the top. Why are underwear not the same size as pants??? Is there some difference from panties to jeans, is there an invisible space between the two??? That doubles the number??? as a matter of fact it is double, size 7 undies size 14 jeans, holy crap I just figured out the formula...because God knows we don't feel bad enough about ourselves lets up the numbers, no double the numbers of our most private clothing. I'm really proud of myself I just had this revelation. So before I had this revelation, I just grabbed some granny panties and went home, threw them in the wash, put them on and oh yeah, I can pull them up to my armpits and wear them as a union suit.

No comments: