Sunday, November 14, 2010

Be careful what you say

When I was a kid, my brother and I lived next door to a nice neighbor lady, we didn't like her because my mom had lied to us for years and told us that Mrs. Lange told her we did this or that and Mrs Lange never did. That Mrs. Lange didn't want us to play in their huge yard, and that Mrs Lange wanted us to be more quiet.   So poor Mrs. Lange was the brunt of our sneering and even though we were always polite we knew she was a spy and agent for my mom.  Mrs Lange was a big lady with a weird shape, she wore the small printed house dresses and a full bib apron, the matronly type, her heavy boobs rested over the band on the apron and there was one tight pocket across her chest.  In the summer she wore dirty canvas mules with a hole for the toes, but her ugly big toe would stick out of that hole like it was trying to get away from the rest of her foot.  She also had a shelf butt, seriously she had a butt that protruded at a 90 degree angle to her body, we used to think, she could put a coffee cup on there and have a party.  Or rest her hand on it and say " Well, I never?"  She also had big ankles, that overlapped her shoes.  Her voice was a whiney cranky old lady voice, we knew she was sizing us up when she would ask " is your mom busy?"  knowing she was probably going to squeel on us for something we would quickly retorte," yeah.... she is ....uh taking a bath, yeah that's it."  Well years went by and we found out that my mom had lied all along about Mrs. Lange and through weddings and showers I found out Mrs Lange was actually a very nice woman and a very good, but still nosey neighbor.   She developed diabetes and lost lots of weight and wore pant suits and looked really cute.  She was a typical housewife from that era, but she was not the monster we created as kids.  Or maybe I should say my mom created in our minds.  All of the poking fun of, the thing I remember most about her is her ankles,  and we would look at them and actually both my brother and I can visualize her ankles.  Well, as I got older I realized they weren't that bad.....after all, I have the same ankles, all swollen, and my butt has the capabilities of jutting straight out from my body, and if I wore an apron the belt too would be covered with my boobage.  My brother also has swelling feet, we still blame Mrs Lange for our feet, it is because we used to laugh at her that we are paying for it now....God Help me, I have a laundry list yet to get paid back for.....and it is happening!!  So warn your children, the curse is real!!!  It will happen to you!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

oh man now I am nervous, I think of the people in my parents neighborhood......Mrs S up the block with the high pitch squeaky voice who we would laugh at when she would call Mark in for dinner.... Mr Nosey Rosey a few doors down who calls the authorities to make sure all the rules were followed for any type of changes/additions to the house ...... man I am running for the hills. Although it does make me wonder if anything was said about my parents ......hahahahaha. (or the kids around here aobut me!!!) Kelly