Jeans saga

Just a note, womans jean sizes lie....men sizes don't....In woman sizes, woman can fit in depending on where they are shopping from a range of 6 sizes.....I know I have a big butt, I know I am not a size 16, but a pair of jeans I am wearing says they are....lies lies lies. So I already blogged about my small pocket jeans and it turns out I spend a good portion of wearing time tugging the jeans up so the crotch doesn't hobble me when I walk. Bad Jeans....so i went to the Men's department where for whatever reason stopped shopping in and they fit me the best ever. I have no waist, never have...I have a belly button and I know it is somewhere around that vicinity but I think it is bulged out from where it may have been. So I am looking at numbers now, I know I am short so I go for a 32 inseam, and I am looking at a waist size that according to the numbers, I am larger around than I am tall??? So pretty much these should be Sponge Bob square pantsish...but they have deep pockets and no embroidery and glitter crap on the arse. On my way out I went through the womans dept and found elastic waist pants...oh these look pretty comfy and old ladyish. I buy petitie, with hopes the crotch won't hang down between my thighs....What makes a pant petite??? I am presently rolling the waist, in order to walk like I am not hobbled. Why did I have to stop and pick up the pants....could I not leave well enough alone. Could I not just walk out with the man jeans....??? I just want to wear pajamas...I want to wear a bib when I eat and pajama pants....all the time... Me thinks I want to be a kid again and be careful what you wish for they do say When you get old you revert back to childish ways.....Pampers here we come.