Rated X

Now walking down the aisles of a grocery store, and happened upon this little treasure I had to buy it.  First off who in their business minded self would think this is good advertising?   Is it funny yes?  and did I buy it?  yes, only because I forgot I could take a photo of it in the store.  Does it crack me up and provide a 5th grade boys humor?  yes...So for 79 cents I keep laughing at this.   So I was looking for Seitan, which is a wheat product that vegans love?  I am not a vegan I am a carnivore, but it really tastes good, kind of and thought I could try to duplicate a recipe.  I went to Sendiks my favorite shopping place, where life is good, peaceful strolling down the aisles and wonderful smells wafting from the deli dept.   I even like looking at the wines and I don't drink.  I just like shopping there.  But no Seitan so I went to Woodmans, Ok, if going to Woodmans can save me a few pennies, it certainly can raise my blood pressure past a safe level.  I enter, any of which two doors takes you into the place but heaven forbid you are on the wrong door when you have to check out at the one door that lets you out.  I start looking for Seitan...I try to find someone to help me....meanwhile trying to dodge mom's and grandma's weilding their carts like we're on the Indy  500.  I move aside and take in this sight...3 people fighting over in the "out of date, ready to rot eat at your own risk" bin, and yes it is meat.  One would put down a  package of meat and someone else would swoop it up.  I guess vultures behave like that over a corpse too?  So onward with my search, there are boxes of crap everywhere and customers are trying to fanagle their way around this maze of stocking shelves, me included.  I am getting tired of walking the 60 foot length of chips and snacks, are there really that many snacks available?  I find the Seitan way back where I started from, before the meat aisle and proceed to the check out.  I can find no cashiers it is all do it yourself which I have terrible luck with.  So I walk up to one, and push Start, it reads, please remove something from the bag?  I didn't put anything in the bag, I push start again same thing....now I am getting upset, I want to check out and go home...I start to walk to another one and this nice lady says "I cleared it for you."  Thanks, now can you check me out...so back I go and start scanning, and it actually scans my few items, so now I want to pay.  I swipe my card enter my pin and "sorry please reenter your pin....5 times.  I then clear it and push cash, I pay with cash and steam is coming off of the top of my head.  I on a normal day, do not like to grocery shop...I hate it, but when I go to Sendiks I enjoy it for some reason it is small, personal and they actually know me.  If I need help, they are there, they check me out and bag my stuff and greet me.  If you look sideways twice they ask you if you need help.  It is a service store, a locally owned service orientated shop.  I will support them and my sanity AND, I bought Bel Giousa?  mozzarella cheese at Puke and Save it was closer and I thought cheaper it was $2.00 more expensive than Sendiks where I find pleasure shopping!!!  Yes I am now a grocery shopping snob!!!!  Also the fruit isn't rotting in the car on the way home.