Friday, October 22, 2010

New Diet plan

Tonight I went for my typical Friday Fish Fry, I admit I go at 4pm to avoid the huge crowds so I know I am eating with the "old" people.  I am old but older people, the ones that have had this "eating early" figured out for a long time.  I walked right up to the hostess and she seated me right away, next to a very old couple that were already eating their dinner.  I was at a table for two and they always seem to seat people in this certain restaurant, at a precarious angle, with you, almost elbow to elbow with the table next to you.  I  squeezed between the table and chairs and found myself looking out over the dining room and elbow to elbow with a very old gentleman.  So when an old person exhibits what could be dangerous, life threatening behavior, it makes me nervous.  I seem to attract this kind of behavior.  One time my son and I were going for Chinese food and were waiting to get seated at the booth, when the very old guy that was waiting behind us, made a comment to his wife that "He" wants that booth.  I wrinkled my face, like I know how, and my young son looked at me like "what is that about?"  I ignored the old man's comment when all of a sudden this 6 foot balding old man pushes me into the hostess counter.  Before I could turn around and give him a piece of my mind, he was on the floor, dead....yes dead!!!  He fell over onto me and his dead body pushed me.....My poor son had this horrified look on his face and I still was pissed that he shoved me into the counter, dragging my son with me, the realization that he was "dead"  hadn't resonated yet.   The peramedics came and took him away and I tried to calm his wife who was for the most part as confused as I you can see my terror when the old man next to me starts hacking up a lung.  He is on a coughing binge, and spittle is flying from his mouth and I am trying to ignore this whole thing and keep picking at my food, dragging my fork over the mashed potato as he is spewing chunks of his fish fry all over the space between him and I... a very small space I might remind you.   His wife didn't seem distressed so I kept my mouth shut, normally I would say "are you alright?"  but my days of giving CPR are pretty much over.  If I knelt down over someone, I would never be able to get back up and giving chest compressions would make me have an asthma attack and they would be taking both of us in the ambulance...if you are with me, you will most likely die, just saying.   After I decided I was "done" eating, his wife finally said, "did you swallow wrong"  he says no, I just have this "tickle" ????  Tickle?  Out of the corner of my eye, half his meal was airborne and he calls it a tickle...needless to say I left my meal sitting there and considered this my "new diet plan".

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