Saturday, October 06, 2007

What the?????


So in my week before I start eatting healthier and doing more to create the body that I was deprived of, I joined a Yoga group. Last Wed. as a matter of fact. So to indulge myself I ordered Chinese food for supper so I wouldn't go hungry, after all it's the first night, I'm sure she will walk us through what we are going to do. As I shoved every last morsel of fried rice into my piehole, I read the directions and it says..."Aerobics????" Hey I didn't sign up for Aerobics???? What???? So in my agony I decided to go and see if they signed me up for the wrong thing, why else would they tell me to wear gym shoes and bring a towel for sweat? I find door number 21 and enter with other woman carrying mats....mine of course is purple as are my shoes that have begun to pinch my feet due to swelling from the ton of Chinese food I plowed through about an hour earlier, that's right I said about an hour earlier. I follow this group of Stepford woman, in their cute little Yoga outfits and me in my jumbo T-shirt with some dumb saying on it, purple shoes, I forgot my towel but did have water and black stretchy pants!!! First trauma, is a set of stairs, who the heck puts the gym on the second floor? So as I am breathing like the train in "Little Engine that Couldn't" trying to find a bubbler to have a reason to slow down and catch my breath....finally a whole group of people with Mats strung across their backs or in little cute bags, are gathering outside a room with a huge window so we can be observed like laboratory animals. Inside the room are people that look like they swallowed bubble gum and it's coming out of thier arses.... a room filled with people sitting atop blow up balls and bouncing like they are trying their darndest to detach the huge bubble from their butts. I can't help but giggle, but everyone else seems to think this is very serious....there is to be no laughing with this bunch. So Bubble class lets out and I can't help but wonder how all of these people carrying their colorful balls are going to get them into their vehicles, I only have a mat. So we are allowed into the room filled with music of ancient zen...I could almost smell the incense. There she was in front, our Yogi, I guess she didn't feel an introduction was in place, she just started right in. I rolled out my mat, and stood in the "Mountain" I think that is what she said or the "Mounted?" I think Mountain was the right one? I kind of giggled at that, I kind of looked around, you know the scan you do in church...seeing what everyone else is up to...(well I do anyway) I am the one....oldest and two fattest person in the group....oh yeah that is encouraging. So Yogi in front starts up and is going through all this crap we have to do and well with my attention span (you know of a gnat) I found out I needed badly to shave my legs~ if you eat a ton of Chinese and try to put your face between your hands in front of you on a mat with your butt up in the air....child pose I think...the Chinese trys very hard to come up the way it went down, but not as tasty. I was really trying hard to behave but when she said to do some Pelvic thrust dumahicky...I started to snicker to myself and did notice the woman that had just had a baby a few hours before coming to class, couldn't do some of the stuff either.....some excuse that is!!! I found that sitting on the mat and watching the others go through their routine with Zen Master....sipping on my water bottle as I am having one hell of a hot flash and trying to wipe my face in my shirt, that says "Don't sweat the small stuff" the best position for me is the "Corpse" I got that one down pat...oh yeah and the guy that had to take this class with his preppy red shirt and short styled hair and 5:00 shadow, had his white cotton duck pants stuck in his butt crack....giggle giggle!!! Opps back to the Corpse position.

1 comment:

annie said...

You are a braver woman that I will ever be to eat chinese food and then go do yoga an hour later!
I like yoga but I do it at home where only the cats get to enjoy me.
Also, I would get kicked out for falling apart with the giggles the first time someone farted. And it's yoga, farting happens.